No Rules, Human Cockfighting Has A New Name

The first rule of fight club is … oh, forget about the rules of fight club. We’re going to talk about fight club because, quite frankly, its real-life incarnation is absolutely appalling.

felony fights pic 1
(Yes, this is an actual scene from a Felony Fights video.)

Welcome to the world of felony fights, found conveniently at FELONYFIGHTS.COM, at least until any federal authorities discover that people are videotaping human cockfighting and selling the results for what has to be a massive profit. You may have tripped across one of their bare-knuckled YouTube clips on a random site (and if you haven’t, we’ve got two after the jump), but you probably didn’t know that, with the help of a legion of dumb fighters, Felony Fights has built a miniature Girls Gone Wild-style empire.

The videos, sold on six different DVDs, play to every lowest common denominator you can imagine. They use guys fighting with girls .They use girls fighting with girls. They host fights on concrete so the blood will splatter. They host fights between different races. They have creepy, white-bearded old men show up to smoke cigars in old t-shirts. Yes, we’re even serious about that last one.

Still, it’s hard to imagine how this is playing well to a large swath of the public. And that’s the terrifying thing: Because it seems unthinkable that most Americans would consider Felony Fights acceptable to watch, they are probably more people than you think who already have a subscription.

felony fights girl's butt
(This would be appeal No. 2 to the main male demographic.)

From a business standpoint, Felony Fights may be even more streamlined than Girls Gone Wild. The producers almost surely pay the fighters practically nothing. The girls who show up in bikinis may just be doing it for exposure, and, once they have all the raw video it’s ridiculously easy to reproduce.

Getting people to commit to bare-knuckle brawling isn’t easy, but the rampant popularity of MMA formats has almost surely made it a heck of a lot easier. Nearly half of the fighters show up wearing some form of Tapout brand paraphernalia, and some sported fighting-based tattoos. That’s a pretty strong sign that, somewhere down the line, they might have higher aspirations.

So, is Felony Fights legal? It’s a good question to ask. Technically it almost surely is; they’re paying fighters something, or at the very least making them sign pretty ironclad waivers. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be legal for long. Any self-respecting legislator who realized this was going on in their state would flip out on it (we’re betting its taking place in Southern California, judging by the scenery), based purely on sure outrage from large swaths of the general public. Remember Bum Fights? That didn’t last too long after Greta Van Sustern, et. al., got a hold of it.

With that in mind, you might not want to bet on Felony Fights being around forever. So if you really have a serious addiction to bloodlust, you might be best served to place an order now. Or you can just go watch “Fight Club” again. It’s got a better soundtrack, anyway.

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