Fidel Castro Not Dead Yet, Blogging About WBC

As if most bloggers weren’t already worthy of your scorn, Fidel Castro has apparently familiarized himself with Movable Type and is letting the world know just what he thinks about the World Baseball Classic. Well, at least we know one person in the world has been paying attention to the WBC.

Fidel Castro

Castro, who is apparently still alive, has been posting his daily thoughts on the tournament and the Cuban team in GRANMA, the hilariously named official paper of the Cuban Communist Party. And yes, it’s every bit as crazy as you’d expect. Join me and Comrade Fidel after the jump, for allegations of tournament-fixing, anti-capitalism rants, and casual racism.

To hear Castro tell it, the tournament organizers had it out for Cuba from the beginning. Certainly we in the United States have nothing worse to fear than Cuba making the finals of a tournament we don’t care about:

“The organizers of the Classic decided that the three countries holding the first three places in world baseball should confront each other in San Diego, including Cuba arbitrarily in the Asian group despite the fact being the Caribbeans that we are.

What mattered to the organizers was to eliminate Cuba, a revolutionary country that has heroically resisted and has remained undefeated in the battle of ideas.  Nevertheless, one day we shall again be a dominant power in that sport.”

And what of those teams that did oust Cuba? How on earth did two tiny Asian nations topple the mighty socialist republic?

“Development of that sports activity in those two Asian nations obeys their own distinctive characteristics.  Their inhabitants are hard-working, self-sacrificing and tenacious.

The Asian players are not as physically strong as their western rivals.  Neither are they as explosive.  But strength alone is not enough to defeat the reflexes that their players have developed; nor can explosiveness alone compensate for the methodology and sangfroid of their athletes.”

Is he allowed to say that? Considering Havana is technologically and ideologically stuck in the 1950s, it’s no wonder the PC police haven’t set up shop there yet.

At least Castro accurately predicted last night’s game. Maybe he’s the one to ask next time you’re thinking about that two-team parlay.

“The game tonight between Japan and the United States is a mere formality.

On Monday spectators both inside and outside that country will be able to watch the encounter between the two Asian powerhouses of professional baseball.”

Castro was magnanimous in defeat, hailing the players and blaming the loss on management, which he called “abysmal.” But he saved his harshest venom for two members of the Cuban media who defected during the trip.

“Of the 73 who flew to Mexico and San Diego, two poor devils did not return home.

One was editing video material on baseball for Cuban National Television. It was pitiful to hear his lament published in the cables. He sighed that the only thing sad about it was that his dear mother and beloved girlfriend hadn’t traveled with him. He had left the very first day that the delegation arrived in San Diego.

The other one was writing in JUVENTUD REBELDE on the same subject. This one had traveled several times but he was waiting for the Classic to carry out his felony. He was constantly glued to the team. He was positively ridiculous. Two hours before they left for the airport to return home, he disappeared.

What a couple of repulsive fakes they are, incubated by capitalist ideology!”