Attention, citizens of Chicago. It’s a Friday, so that means you’ve got a beautiful summer weekend in front of you. But it’s going to be hot, low 90s both days, so that means it’s perfect weather for… oh, we don’t know… driving around in a convertible with the top down. And holy God have we ever got the perfect candidate for doing just that: Ferrari Guy.
We swear to God this is true. Ferrari Guy is for hire in the greater Chicago area, and you can surmises exactly what it is he does: he drives people around in his Ferrari. No, check that; he drives one person around in his Ferrari. You think Ferrari Guy plays fast and loose with safety? Forget it!
According to his website, FERRARIGUYFORHIRE.COM - which, we’re constantly compelled to remind you, is actually real - Ferrari Guy will drive you down Mi… no, you know what? We can’t do it justice. Only his own words can. All [sic], of course:
Ride in Style - for your Personal Tour of the “Magnificent Mile” (Michigan Avenue)
View the City’s Sights from an Exotic, One-of-a-Kind, Custom Designed, Newer Ferrari!!!
Oh yeah, he’s got a raging case of Capitalizitis.
But Ferrari Guy’s not a one-trick pony. He also gives Ferrari lessons (you hear that, Cristiano Ronaldo? Lessons for your Ferrari so you won’t crash it again!) for the low, low price of $200 per hour. Oh, you have to buy 3 rides of at least 1 hour (at $300/hour) to be able to get the lessons. But come on, people, this is a newer Ferrari! You get what you pay for, here!
As you’ve imagined, the fact that he only brings one person in the car with him might stilt one’s options as to hiring him. Oh, not so; the website itself says he’s perfect for:
- Birthday Gift
- Special Occasions
- Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties
- Special Gifts
Really, how can you afford not to give Ferrari Guy as a gift?
Of course, time flies when you’re having fun, and in a Ferrari next to Ferrari Guy, an hour is fleeting at best. Fortunately, Ferrari Guy says “Photographs available,” and I’ll bet he’s just a good enough guy to autograph them if you ask nicely. After all, it’s all old hat to him; that’s why his website says he’s “the Most Photographed Man in the Country. Next to the President!!!”
We don’t blame you, the Country. We can’t stop staring either.
(Oh, this isn’t a sports story, you say? Pshaw. A Ferrari is a sports car. SbB wins again. We always do.)