Fatty Sidney Ponson Busted For Weight Loss Drug

One of the universe’s greatest unsolved mysteries, up there with quantum physics and the question of extraterrestrial life, is the continued employment of MLB “pitcher” Sidney Ponson. Ponson, a known menace and professional DUI-getter, has a career record of 90-106 and an ERA of just under 5.00. His mediocrity on the mound is only a small part of the tale, though. Ponson has been jettisoned from nearly every team he’s every played for (a total of seven teams) for being some combination of bad/fat/drunk/stupid/unlikeable. Yet, the man still has a job on a Major League roster (well, OK, Kansas City, but still).

Sidney Ponson

(There is a link on Ponson’s Wikipedia profile titled “Sidney Ponson Uncut.” I suggest you not click it.)

Even more confounding than his continued employment is the news that Ponson, who maybe weighed 250 lbs in middle school, tested positive for a WEIGHT-LOSS stimulant at the World Baseball Classic. Weight. Loss. Sidney. Ponson. Head asplode.

According to the KANSAS CITY STAR,

Royals pitcher Sidney Ponson tested positive for a stimulant during the World Baseball Classic and has been banned from international competition for two years.

Major League Baseball will not suspend Ponson. Under the drug rules, he will be treated as a first-time offender and is subject to a medical review and fine.

It should be noted that SbB sage Adam Jacobi totally called this back in January. However, the stimulant was Phentermine, most often used for appetite suppression and weight loss but sometimes used to treat ADHD. Christ, is there anything this guy doesn’t suck at, other than stealing money from MLB teams? I’d happily take millions of dollars to be drunk, fat, and bad at baseball - hell, I already do it for free.