Famous Last Words: ‘Brock Lesnar Can’t Beat Me’

If you don’t know Frank Mir, it’s a good time to get acquainted, because the next time you see him he may be a soggy puddle of humanity slowly spreading across the canvas. That’s because Mir, so far the only MMA fighter to beat Brock Lesnar, is in line for a rematch; and he’s riling up the beast.

Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir

(Yes, this is a picture of Lesnar beating the crap out of a man who says he’s not afraid of Lesnar.)

“Brock Lesnar will never be able to beat me because he has no submission skills,” Mir told FANHOUSE. This is the equivalent of coming across a bear in the woods and, instead of pissing your pants like a normal human being, putting on a vest made of salmon and urinating in the bear’s face.

And to clarify, Lesnar has won a fight by submission. According to the official results, he won the submission by repeatedly pounding his opponent in the face until the opponent gave up. I wonder if Mir’s already thinking about claiming he was misquoted…

What’s he going to do, knock me out? No one has never knocked me cold. What’s he going to do, arm bar me? No way. He is powerful. He is big. But martial arts isn’t filled with guys from the NFL. Lesnar had to grab the cage not to get taken down by Randy Couture, who’s 220 pounds. Lesnar isn’t the phenom that everyone makes him out to be. He started at 30. Have you ever seen a boxer start at 30 and become a world champion?

No, but I have seen Brock Lesnar start at 30, and he’s now the UFC Heavyweight Champ. Mir got the win over Lesnar in Lesnar’s first UFC fight, but he’s a year more experienced now. And, oh yeah, he’s still huge and ripped and frightening. Still not intimidated?

“The next time we fight, it’s a five-round fight,” Mir said. “Even if he beats the s**t out of me for the first two rounds, he won’t last. He’s so big, and the bigger you are, the harder it is on your heart. … Brock can take me down. He’s bigger, stronger and wrestled for 20 years. When he’s fresh, if he wants to put me on my back, he’ll put me on my back. But until then I’ll be putting my shin upside his head, and when he does put me on my back, what’s he going to do then?”

In response, here’s a video of what Brock does when he puts an opponent on his back: He pummels him until they stop the fight in 69 seconds.