Mike Williams Finally Eats Himself Out of The NFL?

Mike Williams is the definition of an NFL bust. And by “bust,” I mean “cleavage caused by giant, heaving man boobs.” And I also mean “terrible waste of talent,” because he quickly went from being an unquestionably gifted USC receiver & Top 10 draft pick, to a fat, out-of-shape NFL train wreck, tipping the scales for the Raiders last season at a hefty 280 lbs. Basically, he’s the guy that has to take a break every two or three plays during your annual Turkey Bowl family football game at the park, or else his heart will explode.

Former first-round draft pick Mike Williams

Now it appears that Williams is likely to be out of the NFL at age 24, after he was cut on Thursday by the Tennessee Titans. To give Mike credit, he had lost 30 pounds in the off-season. But according to THE TENNESSEAN, there were still concerns about his conditioning and weight, as well as his shaky hands. Surprisingly, being a painfully-slow 240 lb. wide receiver with bad hands endears you to coaches about as much as being a painfully-slow 270 lb. wide receiver does.

Of course, there’s always a chance that Williams could find a way back into the NFL, but that would require a lot of hard work and discipline, two traits he seems to be lacking. One healthy tip: working out to a Richard Simmons “Sweating to the Oldies” DVD might be a good, low-impact place to start. Working out to a Andruw Jones “Jamming Little Debbie Snacks Into Your Piehole to the Oldies” is probably a poor choice, even if it is in the 99-cent pile at Blockbuster.

Huge Homer Simpson in muumuu

I’m afraid that instead of taking this as a wake-up call to get in shape, Williams is going to go the opposite route and turn into Homer Simpson - specifically the time when Homer got too fat to work & wound up tottering around in a muumuu. TLC should get a team of producers ready to start filming “I Am A 700 Pound Wide Receiver” sometime next year.

The one person who must be crushed by this news is LenDale White. At least with Williams on the team, there was doubt about who was being referred to when someone used the phrase “doughy former USC Trojan and current Tennessee Titan.”