Even Jails Are Bigger in TX for New ‘Boys Home

The old Texas Stadium, soon to be put out to pasture in favor of Regrettable Corporate Sponsorship-to-be-Named-Later Stadium at Second-Name-Here Field, had room for exactly one malcontent in its rather unimpressive jail cell. However, that simply won’t do when $1.3 billion has been poured into a new taxpayer-funded beer garden with live sports.

New Dallas Cowboys' jail

(It’s hard to believe Adam Jones is being released by the Cowboys today; they finally finished his locker!)

Therefore, the Dallas Cowboys’ new home will have a desperately-needed upgrade in its new $200,000 jail: two drunk tanks and solitary confinement cells to boot, as well as “state-of-the-art” construction. (We imagine the art of jail construction doesn’t get much play at your modern art museums. Snobs.)

As a construction engineer noted, “It looks just like a regular jail because we hired a firm from San Antonio that specializes in detention centers to build it.” Arlington police will run the jail as well. Even better, we hear they’re shipping in realistic-looking drunks from Dallas to fill the cells. This is going to be better than Disneyland after all!

It’s true that it doesn’t have a judge on-site like at the Philly Eagles’ Lincoln Financial Field, which might create robe envy at other stadiums. However, this here’s the wild NFC East; just hang ‘em high at noon (CT).

(h/t FIELD OF SCHEMES, who might just be happy to see taxpayers getting the chance to use something they paid for)