ESPN CONTINUES TO GIVE US ALL EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT: The HARTFORD COURANT reports we can expect a whole new mess of ESPN commercials this fall, with some of those spots including Richard Simmons and Stephen King.

The Courant reports that “Simmons, who was doing his thing to the SportsCenter theme song, had his actors - as well as staff and onlookers - belly-laughing as he went through an array of antics, from animated gestures and facial expressions to unexpected bursts of song like ‘Jet Song’ from ‘West Side Story’ to ‘Feelings’ by Gemini.”

Why the ad doesn’t include a cameo of Chris Berman “Sweatin’ To The Oldies”, we have no idea.

King, looking appropriately pallid, also has his own ESPN promo spot, which “featured him as a writer preparing copy for ESPN anchor John Anderson. The spoof, however, was in the way King used his writing genre to explain why the Yankees lost to the Red Sox in the imaginary game.

“‘I think it was the Red Sox’s clutch hitting, not that New York was possessed by demons,’ Anderson deadpanned as King dramatically took the copy from Anderson, threw it in the garbage and began typing again.”

It appears these spots will soon have us yearning for a reprise of S-Squared’s “Poetry Jam“.