Making a living through crime is most assuredly not as exciting in reality as it is on TV and in movies. On film, career criminals live a high life of international intrigue as they fence rare antiquities or cut a debonair image as an international cat burglar. In reality, career criminals are often stupid junkies with no education, work ethic, or morals. They prey on the weakest and most vulnerable, not out of cunning but out of cowardice and laziness.

23-year-old Brit Gregory McCalium probably thought he hit some sort of criminal jackpot when he broke into his elderly neighbors’ house as they slept. What he didn’t know was that one of his 71-year-old neighbors just so happened to be a championship boxer back in the day. Hilarity, as they say, ensued.

Lucky for us, THE SUN was there:

Vicious Gregory McCalium, 23 - jailed for 4½ years yesterday - looked like a “car accident” victim after he was punched by battling grandad Frank Corti.

 (The face of a criminal genius)

Frank - woken by noises as he lay in bed with his wife Margaret - DODGED the knife as the yob lunged at him in his hallway, FEINTED and DECKED him with two massive right hooks.

The former Army boxer, who as a 16-year-old won the National Association of Boys Clubs Championship, then coolly made a citizen’s arrest and waited for cops. 

(Bad. Ass.)

And because Corti is British to the core, he gets a bonus prize for the Understatement Of The Year. Stiff upper lip, old chap:

“If I needed to I would do it again. I had the advantage of having done some boxing training and retained the ability to punch.”

Should you ever make it to SbB World Headquarters, Mr. Corti, your pints are on us. You, sir, are our hero for the day.