Einstein Leaves World Series Ring In Bathroom

Attention, those of you who just so happened to be using the men’s restroom in the Phillies’ Citizens Bank Park yesterday: if you happened to find an actual World Series Ring, it’s not yours. Please return the $15,000-valued ring at once, in the name of doing the right thpfffffhahaha, sorry, I couldn’t finish that sentiment without laughing.

World Series ring
(Into the toilet with you!)

That may have been what happened at the park yesterday, as police confirmed that the owner of one of the championship rings left it in a stall during a game; when he returned, the ring was gone. Whoops.


Was it taken or did he accidentally flush it away? Police will not say at this point. They are reviewing surveillance video from outside the restroom to try and identify people potentially involved.

Officials were also mum on who owned the ring, but did confirm that it did not belong to a player. It was later released that the man is a member of the team’s marketing department.

You fool! Those things are not to be worn except by athletes or self-important a-holes, which is certainly not company worth keeping. Rings, ideally, should be kept in storage, and if someone really needs to wear something to commemorate a Series victory, they should do something like what the Rays did and make some far less expensive replicas.

But isn’t the problem the ring in the first place? As we mentioned before, rings aren’t something men normally wear, and the potential to lose them is, well, demonstrably high. It just happened here, didn’t it?

No, championships demand something more… well, more awesome. Something men can confidently wear that screams “I AM THE CHAMPION BADASS AND YOU BETTER BE ABLE TO BEAT ME UP TO TAKE THIS!” Something like, oh, I dunno…

John Cena unedited
(Getting there…)

Just a little minor adaptation later:

John Cena edited