East Bound And Down: Saints’ Kicker Suspended

As we remember from our study of the Greatest Movies Ever Made, Bandit and the Snowman got $80,000 for hauling 400 cases of Coors from Texarkana, Texas, to the Southern Classic truck rodeo in Georgia in 28 hours. Saints kicker Garrett Hartley recently attempted a similar feat — a late night drive from Dallas to New Orleans in time to make a morning practice. But that stunt cost him $90,000.

Garrett Hartley

Where’s Big Enos Burdette when you need him? Having apparently lost his appeal, Hartley was suspended without pay for the first four games of the regular season for violating the NFL’s policy on performance enhancers, league officials announced today. The substance that turned up in his system? Adderall, which he says he took to stay awake for the drive.

From the NEW ORLEANS TIMES-PICAYUNE:

Hartley, 23, has admitted to using a banned stimulus called Adderall to keep him alert during a late night drive from Dallas to New Orleans during the spring.

Hartley’s suspension begins on Sept. 5. He will be reinstated after the Saints play the New York Jets on Oct. 4, meaning he will miss games against Detroit, at Philadelphia, at Buffalo and the Jets.

Hartley, who will forfeit approximately $90,000 of his base salary, may participate in all preseason practices and exhibition games.

Of course TIMES PICAYUNE commenters are being totally supportive:

He should have used Tom Tom instead of Adderall……I heard he left Dallas for New Orleans but “pulled left” & wound up in Hattiesburg…. –UKwhoDat on 08/25/09 at 3:51PM

So who ends up benefiting from all of this? Signing a contract with the Saints on Aug. 15, playing for his eighth NFL team since 1987, ladies and gents please welcome 45-year-old John Carney.

So football finally busts someone for PEDs, and it’s a kicker? And it’s for over-the-counter amphetamines? Well, Hartley says it was only Adderall, but the NFL hasn’t confirmed that, to my knowledge. He might have been injecting his leg with mule steroids for all I know.