Dwight Freeney Stars In “Driving Ms. Golddigger”

I believe it was Kanye West who once said, “I ain’t sayin’ she’s a golddigger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke [ethnic slur]. Get down, girl go ‘head, get down.” Not only was it an incredibly philosophic statement that rhymed and fit well into the rhythm of the song West was singing, but it delivered an important message. There are some women out there who are interested in nothing but money.

It’s rather despicable when you think about it. I mean, all men care about is sex, but sex is something that any woman can give them, so it’s an equal-opportunity endeavor. Not every man has a lot of money, and to withhold the sex they desperately crave because of it just isn’t fair. So it’s important that men work together to figure out which women are these golddiggers, and thankfully, two rich guys like Dr. Phil and Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney are around to help us figure out which women to look out for.

From the INDIANAPOLIS STAR:

Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney is an excellent limo driver incognito.

Just ask two women who flew to Los Angeles to discuss their gold-digging natures with TV self-help guru Dr. Phil.

The guests didn’t realize the man in the limo driver outfit was a famous football player with a $76 million contract.

Freeney subtly asked about going out with them after the show, which aired Monday.

One woman said it defeated the purpose when looking for a rich man to go to a club with a man.

The other asked if Freeney wanted to be a bodyguard.

Such monsters!

I tell you, as a blogger who makes millions of dollars a year, this is a real eye-opener. I thought that prostitute I picked up at the airport really liked me for who I was, and didn’t just want to be with me for the money. Now? Who knows?

As for Freeney, he learned a little bit about life, as well:

“Yeah, it becomes a concern, and it kind of changes your lifestyle,” he said. “As a guy, you want to go out there and find someone who’s genuine, somebody who likes you for you.”

She should have big breasts, too. And maybe some low self-esteem. That’s always good.