TARHEELS BARRED FROM GETTING FILL OF DICK: The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports the Duke student senate has barred UNC students who have been excepted into a Duke-sponsored scholarship program from getting Blue Devils student basketball tickets - although the program has entitled such scholarship students to be eligible in the past.

The Tarheel students should be thanking the Dukies - who wants to camp out for tickets and risk hypothermia, while going showerless and urinating in an apple cider jug for two weeks, all for the right to have Dick Vitale spit on you?

Why not instead participate in America’s favorite play-at-home experience - the Dick Vitale Drinking Game. Samples:

Rule #1 - Head Dick:
One (1) Head Dick must be selected for the group. The Head Dick should be knowledgeable of the Dick Vitale Universe, ie. Duke, Coach K, and all that is front-runner. The HD (or DH, if you prefer) shall be the final arbiter in all disputes and judgements, and shall be called simply Head Dick.

Rule #2 - Coach K:
A) Anytime Dick mentions Coach K or Mike Krzyzewski, the first person to yell “I coach for relationships!” gets a pass, but all others must drink
B) If Dick is calling a Duke game, and praises Coach K right after K has clearly dropped an F-bomb on a ref, the Head Dick must take a shot