Duke’s Total Commitment to Sucking on Saturdays

Despite sharing a name, I have no affiliation with the Duke football team. And thank God: they suck on toast. To the point that ATHLISTS decided to use them as their “model” program when breaking down the steps to take in order to build The Worst Football Program in America. (And no, Notre Dame haters, “have failed gastric bypass surgery, then sue” was not one of the options.)

Duke football

It’s almost more difficult to be as inept as Duke has been than it is to be as dominant as a USC, LSU or Oklahoma. Consider this: the Blue Devils have won two games in the past three seasons, and have gone 13 straight seasons with a losing record. Since the last Duke winning season in 1994, perennial doormats like Oregon St. and Kansas have not only played in but won BCS bowl games. Hell, Washington State has gone to two Rose Bowls, and they are so far out in the boonies that they might actually be in Canada.

The story hits on all of the recent lowlights of Duke football, including their putting out an ad last season in the school newspaper looking for a placekicker. They don’t mention that advertising for help in unusual places seems to be a pattern - their strategy for the most recent head coaching search included putting the job up on their HR web site. My favorite story still might be was how, in order to win a lawsuit and get out of playing Louisville, Duke basically had to argue for their program being so awful that scheduling any other team would be an upgrade.

So Duke has been real bad, Texas State before Scott Bakula joined the team bad. Duke football “fans” do have reason to be cautiously optimistic - they seem to have brought in a real head coach in David Cutcliffe. He was run out of Oxford while at Ole Miss for winning seven games a season; if he manages that at Duke, he’ll have the stadium named after him within five years.