• Anheuser-Busch is willing to dive into a marketing deal with Olympic star Michael Phelps, even though the swimmer has a DUI on his record.

• A quarter of USC’s football players are jumped by a jock itch epidemic.

• One sore Swede slams his bronze medal to the mat after feeling wronged in his wrestling match.

• Toledo gets ready to welcome the second coming of Emeka Okafor.

• Canada’s still medal-less this summer? What’s that all aboot?

• Nick Saban has been named the top tyrant in the coaching community.

• The Olympic Village will be a safe haven indeed, thanks to 100,000 condoms given out to athletes.

• No tears here: Jonathan Papelbon doesn’t miss Manny Ramirez at all.

• Roger, Venus & Serena all find out that Olympic tennis is not such an easy racket, after all.

• First, they lie about their little girl singers. Now they’re using underage girls for their gymnastics squads. We’re starting to believe that China’s not the open & honest communist nation we thought it was.