It’s a beautiful summer day, and you’re out in the yard with your kids and a couple of friends, just enjoying a nice, relaxing day. Then, suddenly, a man appears with a challenge. Although, this is not just any man, and not just any challenge.
It’s your drunk neighbor, he’s naked, and he wants to fight you, karate-style. If you were lucky enough to be in the Gettysburg, Pennsylvania area last August, you might have seen this glorious display for yourself. Unsurprisingly, the man’s offer to exchange floppy roundhouse kicks went unfulfilled, and naked karate will be the least of his worries for the next month.
47-year-old Gary Jones is going to be spending a month in prison, two months on house arrest, and then 21 more months on probation as part of a plea agreement on charges stemming from the incident, which became more serious because he was letting it all hang out in front of children.
The EVENING STAR gives us an idea of how it all went down:
He is accused of walking out of his home, completely naked. He walked up to Dennis Hucks, Gary Kerns and Andrea Orndorff, according to state police. He told the men he knew karate, and asked if they wanted to fight.
Huck’s three children were playing in the yard at the time, according to court documents.
And while you might think this was all fun and games for Jones, think again:
According to police, Jones said he knew leaving the house naked was illegal, but he was a “serious martial artist.”
A seriously wasted martial artist, according to court documents. And really, this whole incident would have been much more worrisome if he wasn’t bombed at the time.
Luckily, I’ve been able to acquire a photo of Jones, so if you should see this man in your neighborhood, run away: