For years, governmental safety-advocate types have been warning America about the dangers facing us on the 4th of July. You’ll set the house on fire with sparklers! You’ll die of alcohol poisoning! Well, OK, maybe that one’s true, but the nanny state machinery has been working for generations now to ensure that nobody has any real fun on America’s Birthday.
(Not as cool as it looks, trust us.)
But in their zealotry to protect our livers/relationships/fingers from the scourges of alcohol and fireworks, the hand-holders forgot to warn America about the real Fourth of July menace - meat-eating boat propellers lurking just below the surface of our lakes and rivers. Maritime resort states Idaho and South Dakota each suffered nasty propeller-foot interaction this holiday weekend, resulting in dinner for the vicious propellers and more work for local prosthetic foot makers.
In reality, it’s inexcusable that people don’t take drunken boating as serious as drunken driving. Boating under the influence can be even more dangerous than driving while impaired, but many people proudly pilot their boats in crowded rivers and lakes while imbibing.
NWCN.COM wrote of the Idaho accident,
Kootenai County Sheriff’s marine deputies say a man severed his foot in a collision between a powerboat and a personal watercraft on Lower Twin Lakes. The deputies say 40-year-old Jon Carlson of Merced, Calif. was operating a 19-foot boat and 48-year-old Brynne Malone of Deer Park, Wash. was operating a Sea-Doo personal watercraft Saturday when they realized they were about to collide. Malone turned hard to the left, which threw him from the watercraft, and Carlson turned sharply to the right.
Things got a little grisly after that. Needless to say, poor Brynne won’t be doing the Lindy Hop anytime soon. No charges were filed, but it’s hard to imagine two perfectly sober people pulling the same stunt. In South Dakota, the situation was even more unfortunate, according to the RAPID CITY JOURNAL:
Authorities say a man whose foot was severed by a boat propeller on Sheridan Lake is in good condition in a Rapid City hospital. The injured man was identified as 25-year-old Eric Monson of Rapid City. Officers say one of Monson’s feet was severed just above the ankle Saturday when a boat apparently got too close while he was swimming.
Unsurprisingly, the South Dakotan boater was cited for BUI. While the penalties for BUI in South Dakota are nowhere nearly as bad as those for driving drunk, perhaps the added vehicular battery charge will get the offender to take notice.
Moral of the story – you might think that cruising up the shore in your boat with a beer in your hand makes you look like some sort of Jimmy Buffett boat drink cool guy, but in reality you’re no better than the white trash idiot picked up for DUI in his Camaro. Don’t be that guy, folks.