We like to stay timely here at SbB, so we’re bringing you something wholly date-appropriate. A University of Delaware standout and NFL draft hopeful got busted over the weekend for a late night fridge raid — on other people’s fridges. He got away with $82 worth of food, most of that in Hot Pockets. Happy 4/20.
Julian James, a senior DT for UDel’s Blue Hens, got a craving for quick, easy and filling food last month. At 3 a.m., James allegedly entered an apartment complex where he did not live, with a taste for mischief, and a taste for hot steamy gooey cheesy flaky pastries. But his night was just beginning.
Paranoid Orwellian fantasies aside, thank goodness for security cams because otherwise we wouldn’t be able to bring you block quotes like this:
A man entered an unlocked apartment while the two occupants were sleeping and raided the refrigerator, taking 100 frozen chicken wings, a pound of frozen salmon, 18 frozen Hot Pockets and 20 hamburger patties worth a total of $82, according to court records.
Surveillance video showed James enter the victims’ apartment empty-handed about 2:58 a.m. and leave with a yellow plastic grocery bag that appeared to be weighted down, police said. It also shows him trying to get into six other apartments in the E Building.
Six other apartments! Listen, stoners, I know you think you can handle that In-N-Out 5×5 burger, but you can’t. And Julian James, I know you thought you could eat more than that 15 pounds of microwavable meat you allegedly stole, but you can’t.
Here’s the best part. James was arrested after police found “an item linking him to the burglary” in his apartment. Possible evidence found:
- A clogged toilet
- A Dark Side of the Moon CD
- James covered in grease and rolling around in a pile of chicken bones and remorse
He’s been charged with one count of felony second-degree burglary, six counts of attempted burglary and two counts of theft. And one count of “it seemed like a good idea at the time.”