Don’t Worry, Texas: Dubya Still Adored At Baylor

Okay, so let’s say you’re a Republican. Not a great past couple years. Now let’s say you were also the 43rd President of the United States. Yes, that narrows it down quite a bit, but we need specificity here. You’ve just completed a ludicrously unsuccessful presidency, and you’re looking to unwind a bit and get back to your healthy love of sports. The problem is that the vast majority of America is acutely aware of your ludicrously unsuccessful presidency and now harbors a visceral hatred for you, especially the young people who comprise college campuses. If only there were a town full of militant evangelicals (y’know, “the base”) and a local university full of the same, plus an NCAA affiliation… wait a second… honey, we’re goin’ to Waco! (*blasts pistols into the air like Yosemite Sam*)

Bush and Wife
(Wait a second, why is he holding the coach’s hand and not his wife’s? Why is the mainstream media ignoring this?!)

According to the DALLAS MORNING NEWS, President Bush and his wife, Laura, took in a Baylor women’s basketball game last night, and to nobody’s real surprise, the home crowd gave the former First couple a standing ovation. Well, of course they did. The Bushes arrived with Baylor head coach Kim Mulkey (pictured above, brazenly wrecking yet another marriage*) to great cheers. Further, just to remove all doubt that the crowd was purposefully cheering for the President and not the coach by association, the Bushes received another ovation during the first media timeout when arena cameras focused on the two.

And that’s fine, we suppose; there’s nothing wrong with showing some appreciation for a “local” (*cough*Delaware native*cough*not Texas*cough*) celebrity. Just as long as he didn’t actually make contact with the… oh hell, he talked to the team before the game, didn’t he… crap:

Bush provided the Baylor women’s basketball team with a pep talk before the game.

“I told them that every moment in life is precious and this is a big moment for them,” Bush told pool reporter Chad Conine of the Waco Tribune-Herald . “There’s no question in my mind they’ll give it their all and I wish them all the best.”

It should come as no surprise, of course, that 4th-ranked Baylor promptly lost the game, 56-51, to #2 Oklahoma. Oh, Dubya. Is there anything you can’t wreck with your Reverse-Midas touch?

Don’t expect this to be Bush’s last appearance at the Branch-Davidian Complex Ferrell Center. His ranch is in nearby Crawford, and Dallas isn’t much farther away. Further, this isn’t the first Baylor game he’s watched; the 2003 football game between the Bears and the Texas Longhorns was beamed via satellite to the White House (again, to nobody’s surprise, Baylor lost that game 56-0). With rabid support like that, Bush might very well get used to being a regular.

And with results like these, Baylor opponents will be all too happy to pick up the bill for season tickets.

*We can’t support any of this claim.