Doll Day Afternoon: The Shame Of Patrick Kane

Patrick Kane is wishing right about now that he’d tested positive for steroids, or at least been caught with a transvestite hooker. But not this. No, not this. In one of his weaker moments, the Chicago Blackhawks wunderkind admitted that as a child he was forced to play with dolls.

Patrick Kane sisters mom dad

By his three sisters. Kane, whose hat trick in Game 6 of the Western Conference semifinals helped the Blackhawks advance to the finals against Detroit, couldn’t get his three sisters to play sports unless he played dolls with them. And that included tea parties. (Susie Derkins from Calvin & Hobbes approves.)

From ESPN:

4. Growing up he was forced to play with dolls because it was the only way he could get his sisters to play sports.“I’d be the dad and have to play house or whatever,” he said. “It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I had to do it.”

5. After doing his doll duty, Patrick would team up with Jacqueline for a 2-on-2 soccer battle against Erica and Jessica in the basement.“They were a little more girlie girl so we’d dominate,” Jacqueline said. “I remember we’d do the introductions, we’d flicker the lights on and off. We kept statistics on the wall. We won more than we lost. Sometimes my sisters quit.”

6. And when they did, Pat would make them pay.“They’d be running up the stairs and I’d just whip the ball at their backs,” Kane said. “They always knew that if they didn’t want to play anymore that was fine. But the ball would soon be coming at them. Ahh, good memories.”

I’m kind of disappointed that Red Wings fans haven’t done more with this in the conference finals so far; not one doll thrown on the ice that I’ve seen. I guess he gets a pass because his sisters are hot.