In what is likely to be the most confusing story of any Sunday morning, left coast viewers and those looking for white noise to drunkenly pass out to elsewhere in North America witnessed a highly unusual event: the Los Angeles Dodgers defeated the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and Anywhere Else That We Can Sell Ad Time In without once getting a hit.

Dodgers CF Matt Kemp took first on an Angels P Jered Weaver ball fumble in the fifth and then went from first to third when Angels C Jeff Mathis made a special delivery to center field on a throwing error while trying to peg Kemp on a steal of second. A sacrifice fly brought the game’s single scoring effort to fruition.

Weaver lasted one more inning until he was replaced for a pinch-hitter (hooray interleague play?); the Angels bullpen completed the blanking without a win to show for it.

Why haven’t we called this game a “no-hitter”? Because it’s not. Why not? Because if you’re going to have a relatively complex game wrapped up in itself and its numbers to the point of being damned near impenetrable to newcomers after the patient age of 7, you’re going to make up rules along the way that are indecipherable to the casual viewer. Now do you want cotton candy or not?

And how blessed was Major League Baseball to have the silky strains of Vin Scully recorded as the official voice of this event? You’ll never see the Angels feed of this game when the tape’s pulled back up on this one. Scully was, as always, informative and entertaining without getting in the way of the unique event he was covering.