Do Not Mess With New Mexico’s Elizabeth Lambert

You know it’s a big day when we’re bringing you women’s soccer highlights. Yesterday’s game between BYU and New Mexico wasn’t especially crazy if you only look at the box score. 1-0, Stormin’ Lady Mormons. It’s how we all got there that’s raising an eyebrow or two.

Elizabeth Lambert Hair Yank
(Hey hey hey hey hey, none of that, girls.)

Yeah, that’s a BYU player getting pulled down to the ground by her ponytail. And that’s New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert getting away with it. And you know how badly she behaved yesterday? That might not be the most flagrantly violent thing she did on the field. Lambert’s tally on the day - at least, everything that made the highlight reel, lord only knows what else went on - was a punch to the small of the back, some Muay Thai knees to the sternum, a tackle that earns a yellow card anywhere else, that aforementioned hair pull … deep breath… a trip, a ball kicked straight into a prone player’s face point blank, and a straight karate chop to the face. Oh, and one yellow card. No gunshot wound, no red, apparently. Video is after the break, and you’re going to want to watch this one.

(video via DEADSPIN)

What’s that, Julie Fowdy? That’s “over the line?” Thanks, we were wondering about whether leaving a swatch of destruction and broken bodies in your wake, like an unsportsmanlike (unsportsladylike?) tornado, was okay. Glad to see trying to break someone’s neck just isn’t kosher around here. Top-notch stuff.

Not surprisingly, the UNM site kind of whitewashes the incidents; their box score notes Lambert’s yellow card, but nowhere in the quick recap does it say anything like “oh by the way our defender is made of fury and Satan-horns.”

Ah, but at the very least, karma is always a nastier bitch than any soccer player with a chip on her shoulder; the BYU victory knocked UNM out of the conference tournament, and their season is now over at 13-5-3. That fact may be the only thing that saves Lambert from being drawn and quartered by the conference when they see this highlight reel; the junior may still see some alone-time during the first few games of next season, though.

[UPDATE: Suspended indefinitely. That’s about right.]

Also, lest it go unnoticed and unsaid: women’s soccer is f**king hardcore, no joke. Man up, men’s soccer.