Did Urlacher Call Jay Cutler The Dreaded P-Word?

When it comes to athletics, there is one dreaded word that can start fights between the best of friends, one single accusation that calls into question everything that makes an athlete what he is. Remember “The Sandlot”’s pivotal “You play baseball like a girl!” insult? Take that to its logical, profane, adult conclusion and you see where the nastiest fistfights come from.

kitty Urlacher Cutler

(What? This is just a little kitty cat. One that Chicago may or may not have severely overpaid for.)

Yes, [FIVE-LETTER EUPHEMISM FOR FEMALE GENITALIA REDACTED] is one word you don’t bandy about lightly (right, Tony Bernazard?); it’s almost as bad as the severest of racial slurs, the Neutron Bomb. So if what Vikings receiver Bobby Wade said is true, then former teammate Brian Urlacher’s probably got some ’splaining to do to his new quarterback, Jay Cutler.

As PRO FOOTBALL TALK, ever the sower of discord in the NFL, noted, Wade told KFAN that Urlacher dropped the dreaded word on his new quarterback, something Urlacher probably doesn’t appreciate being aired:

Wade told our pal Paul Allen of KFAN within the hour that, during an offseason trip to Vegas with Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher, Urlacher expressed a not-so-flattering opinion of new Bears quarterback Jay Cutler.

Basically, Wade said that Urlacher said that Cutler is a “[FIVE-LETTER EUPHEMISM FOR FEMALE GENITALIA REDACTED].”

Ouch. We hope this doesn’t come to blows between Urlacher and Cutler, seeing as how it’s wrong to hit a p***y um, diabetic person.

But the question remains: why on earth would Wade ever air out something so sensitive and damaging? Oh, that’s right, the Bears released him in 2005. Revenge is a bitch, man.

Oh, and what do you suppose the probability is that Urlacher categorically denies any and all involvement in this story? 1000 percent? Infinity percent? Infinity times infinity percent? No, no, and no: the correct answer is infinity to the infinity power percent.