Despite Being Dead, Kim Jong Il Prefers Short Hair

North Korea’s Kim Jong Il has not been seen in public since July. At least by anyone with camera. So there’s rampant speculation that he’s either in poor health or *please god* dead.

Kim Jong Il Bans Long Hair After Watching Soccer Game

(Actually in this particular case, probably shaved)

But according to the Soviet-style, state-run Korean Central News Agency, he appeared on Oct. 4 at a university soccer game between those epic rivals, “Kim Il-Sung University and Pyongyang University of Railways.” (Those dratted PUOR Splitters!)

The AFP reports via an Asian source that Kim departed at halftime. Not because of health reasons. Or pressing government business.

No, the bouffant-coiffed one was apparently pissed that some of the players had *gasp* long hair.


“I think it is untidy and not befitting for athletes” to grow long hair, Kim said while watching the game between Kim Il-Sung University and Pyongyang University of Railways, the Mainichi said in a dispatch from Beijing.

“What kind of haircuts are these? If things are like this, you cannot tell whether this is a men’s football match or women’s,” Kim said angrily, according to the Mainichi source.

The frustrated Kim stopped watching the match after the first half, the Mainichi said, adding that it was unclear whether the leader actually was present at the stadium or watched the game on television.

Funny, I’ve always thought it untidy to murder political opponents. And keep the citizens of your country enslaved, and living in ruinous conditions. But that’s just me.

The story somehow gets even better, as apparently Kim has now banned all long hair in the country.


Shortly after the incident, a notice was posted in workplaces across the country banning long hair for men. Staff at Kim Il-sung University were witnessed carrying out particularly stringent checks.

Some are saying that the new regulation is “concrete evidence” that Kim is still alive and in control of the country. Ironic, when you consider the current state of the Texas A&M football team under Mike Sherman.