Delaware’s Exercise Enthusiasts Getting Blown

If it wasn’t for the fact that Delaware is, y’know, Delaware, it seems like it’d be a pretty awesome state. The state rakes in money hand over fist by charging out-of-staters outlandish tolls on its highways and by allowing corporations to exploit its lax regulatory system. And now the state is working to legalize sports betting, one of the raddest moves by a state since North Dakota threw that killer kegger back in ‘83.

Wayne's World Delaware

(Of course.)

Unfortunately, it’s not all sunshine and parlays in the Diamond State these days. Some bored teen (or worst domestic terrorist ever) has declared open season on the state’s cyclists and joggers with the most deadliest of deadly weapons - non-poison, non-barbed blow darts. EVERYBODY PANIC!

Is it the sports leagues fighting legalized gambling, a disgruntled DuPont executive, or maybe it’s a virulent opponent of recreational sports? Well, Dude, we just don’t know. From PHILLY.COM:

Cyclists and joggers in Delaware, beware: A blow-dart attacker is on the prowl in New Castle County.

Four people enjoying outdoor activities Monday and Tuesday were stopped cold in their sneakers after being hit with thin darts in separate incidents, said Delaware State Police Cpl. Jeff Whitmarsh.

A teenage victim will require surgery on his hand, and in another incident, a dart was embedded at least 2 inches in a 36-year-old man’s thigh.

“This is totally new for us,” Whitmarsh said yesterday. “What concerns us is the random nature [of the attacks].

Thankfully, this seems more the work of pranksters than it does John Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, but for mid-Atlantic residents who remember the terror of those days, there’s probably still a bit of unease in the area. With that in mind, we hope the perps are caught soon. And with that out of the way,we’ll just say that this is, at least, an improvement for the state over football players stabbing themselves.