One of the perks of being a professional athlete is that the ladies take notice. You don’t even have to be in shape, because you’re worth several million dollars. Amazing what money will do.
But there are apparently other reasons why the Capitol’s finest ladies love Jason Taylor, the freshest, hippest, salsa-y-est player on the Redskins. The CANADIAN PRESS reports that some of them don’t even realize he’s a football player. They just love him for his Dancing … on the Stars. (Last sentence in my best David Caruso voice.)
That’s right. Taylor sold his soul for a couple (hundred? I have no idea) grand and a tight fitting leotard, competing against other
washed up losers superstars like A.C. Slater and Emmitt Smith. And he was pretty good at it, I think. I don’t really know, I never watched. But the ladies did, and they friggin’ looooove him for it.
As for his “Dancing With the Stars” fans? Well, he couldn’t avoid them if he tried.
“You’d be surprised,” Taylor said Tuesday. “Whether it’s older ladies or middle-aged women or young girls, the show reached a lot of people. Everywhere I go. I was at the gas station last night, and a lady and her daughter said ‘Hello’ and ‘You were great on “Dancing with the Stars.”‘ They don’t know I play football half the time, which is fine.”
Giggity-goo. This would be fine if Taylor was parlaying it into some off-field action, but I’m fairly certain he has a significant other. Or maybe not. The point is that he’s using the phrases “Dancing with the Stars” and “reached a lot of people” in the same sentence, and frankly, I’m offended for our entire culture.
It’s not an obnoxious, male, Tim Allen-laugh type thing either; it’s my detesting of pretty much everything that ABC fires out. Except Lost, but even with that they manage to cheese me off. Point being is that I’m in the Tuna camp here when I say that I’d like to see Taylor focus more on tackling than twinkling.
Oh and also that I’d like to see the end of things like DWTS, “Clemens” tags on ESPN’s Bottom Line, and taxes for gambling winnings. But hey, that’s just me. I can’t help it I’m more American than everyone else.