Hairless Nipples No Longer Advantage At Combine

Alex Marvez of has a piece this weekend that we thought might be satire, a least for a second: “Player weigh-ins will no longer air as part of the NFL Network’s Combine coverage, has learned.”

Tom Brady Shirtless At Combine

Combine director Jeff Foster said, “There was concern from current NFL players that the participants would be more comfortable if they were not paraded around without their shirts on. It was an entirely appropriate suggestion. The weigh-ins should never have been televised.

Though Foster suggests that player requests may have been behind the move, Marvez reports that the demand is “believed to have come from NFL Player Association representatives who attend the Combine for union matters.”

Obviously this is major news that’s sure to rock the world of hardcore football fans. Now we won’t get to see another first-overall pick with a boiler the size of Archie Bunker (Jamarcus Russell). And if Brady Quinn hadn’t been allowed to go shirtless, how would he have gotten all those men’s *health* mag covers?

And how else would we have know Tom Brady’s shade of boxers?