BRAS CAN’T KEEP ABREAST OF MODERN MAMMARY MOVING: A new scientific study conclues that most bras can’t handle bouncing breasts like they used to:

MSNBC and LIVE SCIENCE uncover a University of Portsmouth report that ordinary bras have trouble supporting the strain of mammary movement. And it’s worse when it comes to exercise, as breasts […]

AGGIE MASCOT BITES HANDLER, MISSES FB O.T. THRILLER: It’s dangerous being a mascot handler in the Big 12. If it’s not the fear of being trampled on by Ralphie or Bevo, it’s the shame of being the chew toy for your team’s collie:

KUVE-TV reports that Texas A&M’s sideline canine was suspended for last Saturday’s […]

HEADCASE CLAIMS VENUS & SERENA WANT TO DINE ON HIS: A man in jail for identity theft and Internet fraud has sued Venus & Serena Williams, claiming the sisters “want to eat my head for supper“:

INFORMATION WEEK reports that Jonathan Lee Riches, who currently sits in a federal prison in South Carolina, filed a lawsuit […]

• RUMORS AND RANTS needs some painkillers, as they believe last week was the worst ever for NFL injuries:

• THE PIG PEN has Stars in their eyes, as they check out Dallas’s new hockey jerseys.• BUGS AND CRANKS can’t stomach revelations that an MLB ump took HGH to grow his bulbous belly.
• MONDESI’S HOUSE grinds […]

WEBSITE REPORTS WILLIAMS IS TWO MONTHS PREGNANT: We hate to cite borderline fake news site MEDIA TAKOUT, but the URL is reporting that Serena Williams is two months pregnant by actor Jackie Long. Of course, they aren’t married, but apparently “[Serena] and Jackie are very excited. They can’t wait to start a family together.”

Based on […]

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, SWITZER SAYS GO HOME: When things look bleak on the football field, Barry Switzer has this suggestion - give up:

The AUSTIN (TX) AMERICAN-STATESMAN found this quote from the former Cowboys and Sooners coach, as the North Texas Mean Green kept passing during a 79-10 rout at the hands of Oklahoma:
“They […]

RUTGERS STUDENTS TO NAVY PLAYERS, FANS: “F— YOU!”: With 9/11 once again upon us, last weekend was a great time to give a tip of the cap to our police, emergency personnel, military and service academies. But apparently Rutgers students were too busy on beer runs or at electrolysis sessions to be bothered.
Mark DiIonno of […]

WILL PATS’ BELICHICK PAY THE BILL FOR DASTARDLY PAST? Brad at Touchdown.org today sent us a photo of who they think is Bill Belichick’s larcenous lensman illegally recording hand signals from New York Jets coaches last Sunday.

So as Roger Goodell contemplates a punishment for Belichick and the Patriots, we hope he’ll consider the dastardly past […]

MNF BOOTHS BOTH GO BELOW THE BELT ON OPENING NITE: WITH LEATHER and DEADSPIN has this unfortunate moment from Mike Ditka last night, who is now apparently feeling the effects of having been dropped as pitchman for Erectile Dysfunction drug Levitra:

We didn’t have the audio up for the two Monday Night Football games last night, […]

JENN STERGER’S CAREER AS SI CONTRIBUTOR IS FINISHED: SbB has learned that Jenn Sterger has been fired by SPORTS ILLUSTRATED. The silicon-implanted canary, who was discovered by a downblouse-rousing ABC football cameraman, was an esteemed columnist on SI.com (alongside Rick Reilly and Frank Deford) for over a year.

But you’ll be happy to know she’s landed […]