As an esteemed University of Georgia alumnus, all I can say about Florida vs. Ohio State tonight is: Hang on Sloopy!

(That’s Columbus code for ‘go you hairy Bucknuts!‘)

BUCKS BANISHED TO DUNGEON, BUT IT COULD BE WORSE: The MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL reports that when the Milwaukee Bucks play at Charlotte, the team is “placed in a visiting locker room in Bobcats Arena that is just slightly larger than a walk-in closet.”

The Bucks are the only NBA team forced to use the tiny auxiliary locker […]

BREWERS-DODGERS ALWAYS GOOD EXCUSE TO GET DRUNK: Finally, baseball is back, and no one celebrates the return of the National Pastime like Brewers fans - as they tailgated before the home opener against the Dodgers:

From today’s MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL: “Twelve people try out the new 12-person beer bong created by Jeff Barton of Milwaukee (in orange). […]

TEENIE’S COMING OUT PARTY; CARMEN REMAINS IN CLOSET: Congrats to 18-year-old Morgan “Body By McNuggets” Pressel, who claimed her first LPGA Tour victory yesterday at the Nabisco Dinah Shore Classic.

Pressel was probably a little tender for the tastes of the legions of lesbians who descended on Palm Springs for the same weekend, but Carmen Electra […]

NOAH FAMILY TREE LEAVES CLUES TO BIZARRO BEHAVIOR: As we all try to unravel that repellent riddle wrapped inside an exasperating enigma, Joakim Noah, the one thing we do know is the only person with worse teeth than Joakim and Dad Yannick is the lead singer for the Georgia Satellites.

But most don’t know the finer […]

KRUK’S NEW LOOK HINTS AT HOOTERS MANAGERIAL POST: A recent screen shot of John Kruk from The Sports Hernia shows the ESPN baseball analyst with a new, mussed-up, product-impaired, head o’ lettuce - not to mention a tragic lapse in judgement on facial grooming techniques.

This confirms what I’ve suspected all along: Kruk has been spending […]

WORLD SWIM MEETERS GO TOPLESS, CHASE CHUBBY: As a longtime water sports aficionado, I’ve been tracking the World Aquatic Championships very closely in Melbourne, Australia. And like you, that global meeting of swim had me on an emotional rollercoaster all last weekend.

My favorite moment came during the the scintillating women’s water polo bronze medal match […]

EURO POLICE WANT TO TAKE CHEER OUT OF SOCCER BEER: The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports “Austrian police want fans to drink weak beer served in plastic cups at the 2008 European Championship to reduce potential violence.”

Last week Austrian authorities said they encouraged co-hosts Austria and Switzerland to formulate a “Euro 2008 beer” and “Euro 2008 mugs” […]