Since the Day of Reckoning is going to be here pretty soon (Dec. 21, 2012 to be exact), Darren Daulton figures there’s a few loose ends he’d like to take care of. For instance, if you’re a professional athlete and you think you’ve done a lot of drugs, think again. Dutch would like you to know that he’s probably done more.

You’re most likely aware by now that the former Phillie is several very special varieties of crazy. My favorite is the time that he told Philadelphia Comcast that he talks to lizards:

“I started experiencing these different realms, these different planes of existence … I know exactly what I’m capable of doing. … People talk about speaking with lizards and stuff. You can communicate with anyone, with nature, that’s all that happened there. To me, that’s not a big deal now. I like to astal travel, teleport, travel through time … December 21, 2012, by the way, that’s the number. As seven billion people, the world will rise to another level of consciousness. I don’t have all the answers.”

But it turns out that all of this may not have come naturally. Daulton recently chatted with Mike Missanelli of ESPN RADIO in Philadelphia, and came through with some crackerjack quotes about all the drugs he has taken.

“If I told you all the drugs that I’ve taken, Mike, you would open that up as a can of worms (laughing). I don’t feel that you or anyone else needs to know anything that I’ve ever done to respect me. No disrespect, that’s just the way I am. I feel if I told you all the drugs I’ve ever taken that would reflect on someone else. I can assure you there’s probably no one in any sport that has taken more drugs than I have, and I think people still respect me. It’s not what goes in, it’s what comes out.”

Say it ain’t so, Darren: It’s like discovering that your favorite major leaguer set all of his hitting records on steroids.

“As we know Mike, I’ve been in rehab, I’ve been in jail, not necessarily for those reasons.  I’ve taken more drugs than steroids.  I’m not going to apologize for the things I’ve done in life.  That’s life, that’s how you learn.  We’ve all down stuff that in society people perceive them as bad.  I just don’t care to give that any more energy because people will take that and run with it. I’ve been in a rehab before.”

Three-time All-Star, arrested for DUI and domestic abuse, time traveler. Daulton is all of these. Oh, and the former husband of Lynne Austin.