Fellas, take a powder or something; this post is for the ladies. Ladies who are young, athletic, and in the greater San Antonio area, to be precise. We good? Ladies, you with me? Excellent. Now, let’s get right to it: Would you like to be a Silver Dancer for the San Antonio Spurs?

(Looking good, looking good.)

Oh, you would? Fantastic! It’s all a very simple process, really. As RANDBALL mentions, all you have to do is agree to this unholy amount of time commitment and paperwork:

See, if you want to be a Silver Dancer (sorry, we can’t make the “A” out of a shapely woman like they do in the picture), first it’s a good idea to sign up for the preparatory classes. Sure, the NBA season doesn’t start until around the first of November. But the prep classes start next week. We’re not saying you have to go. But you do want this, don’t you? You do want to learn the moves, yes?

Then, you’re going to have to fill out a pretty standard waiver. Wait, what’s that?

“I expressly assume all risk of injury (including permanent disability and death) arising out of my performance, howsoever caused or arising and accept personal responsibility for the damages following such injury, permanent disability, or death.”

I’m no lawyerologist, but I think that absolves the Spurs of, um, everything.

Still, it’s not like there’s a bunch of NBA dancers who end up dead or paralyzed every year. That only happens in those corpse porn shows CBS broadcasts every night with the CSI’s and Cold Case’s and the Flimsy Excuse For Showing A Guy Get His Throat Ripped Out’s.

Really, the bigger sticking point might be the “prep courses” that go on before the auditions… for like six weeks. And you know they’re not free. What could possibly require six weeks of training before an audition even takes place?

I mean, give me two weeks, tops, and I can have anyone doing the choreography from “Single Ladies” down cold. And I mean anyone.