Dad Of The Year Ties Up Kids During NBA Finals

Game 3 of Lakers/Magic this week was pretty awesome, right? Jonathan Weaver is sure glad he didn’t miss it. Even if he is in jail for tying up and gagging his girlfriend’s children, so they wouldn’t need him to babysit while he watched the game. Totally worth it.

Tied Up Baby

(After Googling “tied up children,” the FBI is probably en route to my house.)

Weaver, 20, of Las Vegas, didn’t really want to babysit his girlfriend’s kids while she went to night school. Women! Always needing you when sports are on! So he did what any rational man would: he physically restrained the 1- and 2-year-olds while he went to the bar.

Weaver reportedly told police he didn’t think leaving the children in the garage was a big deal because they have had “camp outs” there in the past.

He said he played with them inside the garage for about 20 minutes and waited for them to fall asleep before leaving, the report said.

Weaver told police he “could not believe what he was about to do next,” but he decided to tie the children because he was afraid they would grab tools stored in the garage and hurt themselves, according to the report.

“We’re playing house! Roman Polanski’s house.”

That also doesn’t explain why he put cloth gags in their mouths then covered them with duct tape, and pulled a shirt over the face of one of them. Maybe he thinks children are like canaries, and you can trick them into sleeping by making them think it’s dark out.

The Las Vegas police must be hockey fans, because they arrested Weaver on charges of child abuse and endangerment, kidnapping and attempted murder. His girlfriend wasn’t charged, but she is pregnant with his child, which is punishment enough.