D-Wade Is Just Too Darn Busy To Go To Court

In the classic novel Animal Farm, author George Orwell mockingly paints a satirical dystopian view of Communism. In particular, the book’s law that “all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others” mocks the Communist ruling elites’ lip service to proletarianism and equality. Americans have long despised the idea that some people are inherently better than others and have championed the idea that America is a meritocracy in which anyone, of even the most humble means, can become successful and prosperous.

Dwyane Wade Sports Grill out of business

Of course, what civics class doesn’t teach you is that once someone has actually risen above their humble beginnings and achieved success…then the rules change. No more pesky equality for the powerful - those are ideas best reserved for the masses. Example One is the legal brief recently filed on behalf of wealthy, powerful Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade. Viva la revolucion!

Perhaps you’ve heard that Comrade Wade hasn’t exactly had the easiest time as of late with the American legal system. Accusations of bad-faith business dealings have landed the baller into a few nasty lawsuits over the past year or so, and even a famous athlete has to address his issues at some point.

Anyone who’s had to deal with legal issues knows what a hassle this can be. Time and money must be allocated for meetings with lawyers, court dates, et cetera. For most people, that means shifting work schedules, taking vacation time or sick days, or outright missing work. The scales of justice are supposed to be blind, and boy are they unconcerned with personal or professional issues. Unless, of course, you happen to play basketball for a living. According to the SOUTH FLORIDA SUN-SENTINEL, The Miami Heat have filed a brief on Wade’s behalf practically whining about the big, bad legal system:

With the NBA season around the corner, it’s clear the Heat want to avoid legal distractions for Wade, their franchise player and last year’s leading NBA scorer. In the schools case, the Heat say Wade won’t be able to stay in shape if he’s tied up in legal proceedings for weeks during the season.

“Robbing Dwayne (sic) Wade of rest time, utilizing every waking moment between games, practices and arbitration hearing, and long travel in between, would severely compromise his physical capacity, and subject him to an increased risk of serious injury,” the Heat said in a motion filed by attorney Alan Fein. “There is no compelling need to subject Dwayne Wade to these risks.”

Yes, there is. Setting aside the hilarity of the fact that his employer can’t even spell his name, there is a compelling need for people to go to court - he may have screwed some people over and they may be entitled to money, and justice is supposed to be swift. That’s why this is in court in the first place. But hey, work the system over if you must. That’s the American Way.