Curry Livens Up Friday Horror Basketball Show

Here is an exclusive sneak peek at the entirety of Bill Self’s pre-game speech to his Kansas Jayhawks before Sunday’s game against plucky Davidson in the Elite Eight:

Stephen Curry

“This guy! Him! Cover him. See how there’s no one else in frame on this picture? Bad! Cover him. Cover. Him. Don’t be fooled by ball fakes or cuts or even if your man has the ball. Everyone just surround this guy. This one! Here! It doesn’t matter if he changes his jersey number or puts on a fake mustache. Him! Do not leave him alone. Are we clear? Alright. Rock chalk COVER HIM.”

Unfortunately, Bo Self spaced on this part in his pre-game pep talk, allowing Wisconsin’s celebrated Pit of Despair Defense to be thwarted by the chocolate-covered miracle pill known as Stephen Curry in a 73-56 Davidson beatdown. Curry continued to stun opponents with 33 points in this contest. (By way of reference, Wisconsin held Michigan to 34 points on March 14th.)

Other games Friday:

Stanford was slashed and burned by an environmentally unsound Texas team 82-62; the Twin Pines of Brook and Robin Lopez were largely ineffective in the final minutes, thanks to the pounding defense of Dexter “Biff” Pittman. Why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here, Stanford?

Memphis pillaged the Spartans of Michigan State 92-74. To recap: the Big Ten sucks, Memphis sucks worse and will lose to the Big Ten, the Big Ten sucks. Please try to keep your timely storylines straight at the bar Sunday. Memphis and Texas play each other Sunday for the right to the next chapter.

And finally, as hinted at before, Kansas moved on with yet another blowout, 72-57 against Villanova. Kansas? Kinda talented. Good to know. Villanova? Not. Also good to know. Now about this Curry kid…