Cubs’ Futility Leads Fans To Prank The Newspaper

Not that you need a reminder, but the Cubs… they’re not very good this year, you know? They’re barely treading water over .500 while the Cardinals are running away with the division. Their payroll’s huge, but largely wasted on a comically underproductive outfield. Tell a Cubs fan “four more years of Alfonso Soriano,” and… well, he’ll probably cry.

Waitle Nex Yeare
(Hang on, you expect us to believe that’s a newborn? I’ve seen a lot of newborns, and that kid’s at LEAST six months old! Shenanigaaaaaans!)

Recall that Chicago fans usually have no qualms expressing their team pride in overtly racist or juvenile ways when times are going well. In the lean years, though, that’s when the self-loathing humor comes out to play. And since no team’s more synonymous with “Wait ’til next year” than the Cubs, well, why not name a baby that?

From the CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s birth announcements:

Suki and Justa Crapi Yeare of Chicago’s north side are proud to announce the birth of our daughter, Waitle Nex, born Thursday, August 20th in Los Angeles. The entire Yeare family eagerly awaits her arrival back in Chicago. The first Waitle Nex Yeare was born in Chicago in 1909. It’s too bad great-great-grandma isn’t around to see her namesake.

Baby Waitle was born several weeks premature but is somehow perfectly healthy. Doctors tell us that the chip on Waitle’s shoulder will wear down over the winter and she will be 100% healthy by spring. You should see how cute she looks with the albatross necklace around her neck.

Okay, those names don’t even make sense, so whatever editor let that ad in ought to be shot. The prank was perpetrated by JUSTONEBADCENTURY.COM, which should have been obvious to the Tribune since the website was named in full in the freaking announcement.

But editorial ineptitude aside, this is more like it. It’s universally true that a fan base only gets worse as it gets cockier, and this would be the antithesis thereof. This prank is more “we suck, we’ve always sucked, we will always continue to suck, and god DAMN it Soriano just dropped another fly ball please spray battery acid in my face.”

But you never know; maybe the Tribune was in on it too. After all, the Cubs aren’t really their problem anymore; why not sit back and enjoy the show?