Cubs Fan Stops Eating Until Team Stops Losing

The Cubs should be used to killing their fans with massive coronaries and crushing disappointment, as well as the inexorable passage of time, but this is a new one. One fan is vowing to eat only 500 calories a day until the Cubbies put together a 5-game winning streak. Might as well book that funeral home now.

Daniel Kamen

Chiropractor and master motivator Daniel Kamen has found that the promise of victory isn’t enough, the fear of defeat isn’t enough, so he’s going to try shame. He’s hoping that his declining health will shame the team into playing hard, with the exception of Milton Bradley, who as we all know is devoid of all human emotions.

What’s 500 calories? For Kamen that’s a cup of yogurt and a single egg for breakfast, and popcorn sprinkled with brewer’s yeast for dinner. I would suggest bulimia, as it’s a lot more fun, but he’s sticking to his guns:

“I’m going to motivate them,” he said. “I’m going to embarrass them into winning more games. They will see me get skinnier and skinnier, until maybe there’s nothing left of me.”

He’s starting his hunger strike after the all-star break, which is fortuitous as the Cubs kick off the second half of their season with a 4-game series against the Nationals. I’m starting to wonder just how committed Kamen is.

Chicago has won 5 in a row once this season, in mid-May, so it’s not impossible. Their best bets are six games against the Nats and Mets in late August, six games against the Mets and Pirates in early September, and six games against Pittsburgh and Arizona to close out the season.

No word yet if the playoffs count, because a trip to the World Series and Cubs sweep would save him from a winter of hunger. Funny how he hasn’t considered October wins.