So it turns out that the tryout process to become a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader includes a rigorous written exam, including such questions as: “Name one country that borders Iraq.” Well, I guess Miss Teen South Carolina is out.
If only the Cowboys themselves had such rigorous standards. You may have thought that passing the bar exam was hard, but for every failed lawyer in the Dallas-Fort Worth area you’ve probably got seven or eight would-be Cowboys cheerleaders waiting tables and working as hotel reservation clerks, all because they didn’t have a firm grasp of geography and current events.
This is fair and just. Because as we all know, a nation is only as strong as its cheerleaders.
We mention all of this because Cowboys Cheerleader tryouts began on Saturday in Grapevine, Texas. And I’m somewhat surprised to discover that prospective cheerleaders have to take a test that includes “80 to 100 questions covering the Dallas Cowboys football team, the cheerleaders’ history, the National Football League and current events.”
Cheerleaders director Kelli Finglass said she’s looking for entertainers who are poised, attractive and confident. But she’s also looking for women who take their roles seriously.
“We’re obviously looking for dynamic performers, but there’s so much involved in this job that has nothing to do with dance,” Finglass said. “That’s why we have to take a more wide-ranging approach in the audition.” When they’re off the field, the cheerleaders appear at community events and speak at schools. They meet children at hospitals. They perform for the troops overseas.
And you know our troops. The first thing out of their mouths on seeing an attractive NFL cheerleader is: “What’s the capital of Saudi Arabia?” A sampling of the test:
1. Where will the Cowboys play their final home game this season?
2. Where will the Cowboys hold their 2009 summer training camp?
3. Name the Cowboys legend who served as head coach for the team’s first 29 years.
4. What year was the Cowboys’ first season in the NFL? (A) 1960 (B) 1962 (C) 1964 (D) 1965
5. How many stars are on the Cowboys Cheerleaders’ uniform?
6. Who is commissioner of the National Football League?
7. How many yards are in an NFL end zone? (A) 10 (B) 20 (C) 30 (D) 50
8. Name one country that borders Iraq.
1. In third place
2. Guantanamo Bay
3. Hank Hill
4. A … no, B! A! I broke my pencil!
5. Counting things is hard
6. Ed Begley Jr.
7. N/A this season
8. Iran, the Iraq, and South Africa, such as