Contador to Lance: Hey Bud, How That A** Taste?

Sure there were disagreements, but now that the Tour de France is over and Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong are back in their own countries, bygones can be bygones, right? (Laugh track). Ain’t gonna happen. Barely having arrived back in his native Spain, Contador laid into Armstrong the first time someone approached him with a microphone.

Alberto Contador, Lance Armstrong

Contador finished first, Luxembourg’s Andy Schleck second and Armstrong — returning to the Tour de France after a three-year layoff — was third. But the Astana teammates were frequently at odds, although Contador wouldn’t give specifics.

At a news conference in his home town of Pinta, Contador let fly at Armstrong, the seven-time Tour de France champ.

“My relationship with Lance Armstrong is non-existent. Even if he is a great champion, I have never had admiration for him and I never will,” the 26-year-old Spaniard admitted.

“It was a delicate situation, very tense, the two riders who had most weight on the team did not have an easy relationship and that puts the rest of the technical staff and the riders in an uncomfortable position.”

Why can’t we just all get along? A Spaniard, a Luxembourgian and an American, together on the cycling podium, showing the world that we can all be as one. And now, the Danish National Anthem. Wait, what?

Well, that was a major screwup. I wonder, however: When they finally played Spain’s anthem, did Contador know the words? That’s right: Spain’s National Anthem still has no lyrics. So let’s help him out. I’ve taken the liberty to write some lyrics, which should be sung to the tune of the anthem, below.

A country that is found right there in southern Europe
Hail to Spain, a land so free
Leading exports are fruit, wine, flamenco dancing
Rafael Nadal, we hail to thee

When they drew up the map of what’s known as the Iberian Peninsula
Port-u-gal got a small piece of the pie
I see you have six fingers, my name is Inigo Montoya
You killed my father, now prepare to die

(Short nap)

(Repeat)