Colombian Dry-Humping Shark Mascot Is Sacked

Oh, I see you noticed the headline. Did “dry-humping shark mascot” get your attention? I thought it might. Step inside, because we’ve got exactly what you’re looking for.

Willy The Dry-Humping Shark
(You keep presenting like that, little missy, and you’re going to get what’s coming.)

Colombian soccer club Junior Tiburon has an inflatable mascot named Willie. This fact will seem most appropriate in short order. Willie is a shark, and Willie has an infectious amount of team spirit, just like all sharks (see here, though mind the NSFW language). Willy just chooses to express his spirit with a downright ravenous appetite for frottage, something that seems to have gotten the poor shark into trouble.

The final offensive act that did him in, the hump that broke the camel’s back, is shown below. We should warn you: if you don’t want to see a soccer jersey get drygrinded to shreds, please, avert your eyes.

Shocking. Disturbing. Titillating.

That was a rival team’s jersey (or kit, as the Europeans say, even though this is clearly in South America). That act, according to DIRTY TACKLE, was enough to earn Willie a ban from the league. Shame, really; he’s just being expressive. They do that down there.

Willie’s got more mainstream tastes, as seen above, and he’s more than candid about them. The same news announcer guy speaking that moonman language [That’s Spanish, you idiot.–ed] [Whatever!] filed another report with Willie giving ladymascots and ladycheerleaders all their lower regions can handle, then begging for forgiveness:

Holy lord. Willie, I don’t know about that dog, but other than that, sir, you have most excellent taste.