Shocking news out of Central Michigan, where a new lawsuit insinuates some kind of link between women’s basketball and lesbianism! This heretofore unknown phenomenon has baffled fans and experts alike, as most expressed disbelief that women’s basketball could be about anything other than the erotic grace and beauty of the female form.
The real news is that former CMU player Brooke Heike is suing coach Sue Guevara for kicking her off the team for being too feminine, and complaining when Guevara insisted on showering with the team post-game. Actually, only that first part is true.
“I could not even go into her office without her commenting on my clothes, me having a boyfriend, wearing makeup, me being a girly-girl,” claims Heike. She says in the suit that Guevara revoked her scholarship because she wasn’t the coach’s “type,” meaning she was heterosexual.
While I think we can all agree it’s annoying when a cute girl has a boyfriend, this sounds a little over the top. For her part, Guevara claims she cut Heike because she “consistently struggles to understand key basketball concepts” and that she “never took the initiative to seek additional assistance.”
I think that means she didn’t heed the coach’s instructions in the huddle to “be more gay,” and insisted on reviewing game film instead of joining the rest of the team for mandatory lesbian porn viewing sessions.
In addition, Mandy Stowe, who left Michigan in the late 1990s, said Guevara “wouldn’t like it if my pants were too tight, or I wore too much makeup,” according to a March 2003 Michigan Daily student newspaper article.
Let’s look at the parties to the lawsuit, and see if the allegations seem plausible. First, former Chippewas player Brooke Heike:
And now current Chippewas coach Sue Guevara:
Let’s just say I’m not going to dismiss this one outright.