Dashiell Bennett of DEADSPIN today spots a scary story about two idiots from the ASSOCIATED PRESS. Two assistant football coaches from Westminster (PA) College, while attending a convention in Nashville, “fell through a hotel window Tuesday morning and fell four stories to a concrete sidewalk.”

More: “The American Football Coaches Association is holding its annual convention at the Opryland Hotel, and hotel security had been called around 4:10 a.m. with a noise complaint when officers found a broken window and Scott Coy and Darren DeMeio outside on the ground below.”

The two fell four floors onto a sidewalk, after crashing through a window that was “double-paned with a strong wooden sash in the middle.”

So what the hell happened? And what’s the condition of the two retiring gentlemen?

Coy, who is 6-foot-2 and 300 pounds, is in critical condition after undergoing surgery yesterday. DeMeio, 24, who is 6-4, 225 pounds, is in fair condition but remains hospitalized.

Apparently the two were wrestling in the room when they got too close to the window. Local police don’t intend to file any charges after apparently determining there was no intent to fall through the window (ya think?).

As small college coaches, guys like that don’t get much recognition, but I’m happy to report that now they might just be in line for one of the internet’s highest honors: