Coach K/Obama Clash Threatens World Peace

Any story that begins with Barack Obama and Coach K sounds like a joke, and they’re about to be joined in a bar by a priest, a rabbi and an imam. But this is no joke: a minor tiff between the Duke coach and the fricking President of the United States threatened to spiral out of control, dragging our country into a second civil war.


What started as a jab by Krzyzewski at Obama over his snub of Duke in his NCAA bracket has required a team running damage control, including Krzyzewski’s wife Mickie, Obama’s aide Reggie Love, and an ESPN investigative team. Everything seems cool now, but for a while there, Coach K might have been the leadership of the Republican party.

It started when Obama put Duke losing to Pitt in the elite eight.

“Really it doesn’t matter at all what anyone predicts, it’s what you do,” Krzyzewski said on Wednesday. “Somebody said that we’re not in President Obama’s Final Four. As much as I respect what he’s done, really, the economy is something that he should focus on, probably, more than the brackets. So why would I care about that?”

He’s obviously not being serious, but there’s more than a grain of truth in there. Certainly enough for certain sore loser political parties to seize upon. So Krzyzewski’s wife sent a text message to Love, clarifying the comments.

Krzyzewski said the text message said, “Coach didn’t mean that. This is what he meant. And I hope he wasn’t offended.”

Other than the fact that his wife apparently refers to him as “coach,” it was all good.

Love, according to Krzyzewski, sent a text back that said the president wasn’t offended, “though some of the staff was concerned because they have to always be concerned. President Obama thinks Coach K’s all right.”

So, crisis averted, and the Soviets will stand down their missiles until we again show collective national weakness.