Coach Arrested For Obscene Bulk Item At Costco

I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it: A Boise, Idaho high school basketball coach was arrested on Monday for masturbating while walking through a Costco store. So you may ask, who doesn’t get aroused while shopping at Costco? But that’s why one should always carry the large bulk paper towels in front of them. Hey, I’m not on trial here!

Kyle Dennis

Such an unfortunate development just days before the opening of basketball season. Imagine how creative opposing rooting sections will be. Kyle Dennis, 37, was arrested after multiple instances of “obscene live conduct.” He’s the head coach at Capital High School (go Eagles!), and it’s unclear at this hour if he’ll retain that position. Perhaps not, when people learn this shocking additional fact:

He did the same thing at Wal-Mart.

According to court documents, Dennis “knowingly engaged in obscene conduct…by manipulating his penis with his hands while walking around a Costco store with an erection.”

The documents go on to say that Dennis performed the same behavior at the Costco on 2051 S. Cole Road as well as the Walmart on Overland in June.

Dennis also teaches geometry at the school. Not sure why they’re just getting around to arresting him now, but anyway, we also have this:

Dan Hollar, Boise School District spokesperson, said Dennis is on paid administrative leave.

“We’re trying to get back to educating children, which is what we do,” Hollar said. “We certainly will have a substitute in that class, until such time as we can find an appropriate individual to continue with the math.”

Here’s the criminal complaint.

One Capital High student in Dennis’ math class said he’s holding off on judgment.

“Even if he’s charged with anything, when he comes back to school, I’m not going to look at him any differently than I would,” said Mark, a sophomore.

Carl Monday is in a news van speeding toward the scene at this very moment.