Say, have you heard about this swine flu thing? You know the one - horrible mutant virus that’s going to kill us all, so on and so forth. It’s the thing that’s got everyone talking (and so far, somewhere between 12 and 169 people dying).
In fact, “swine flu” is the new “economy” in that the cable news networks can’t stop talking about it, it’s got everyone panicked, and it’s a convenient excuse for whatever problems one may be facing at the moment. For an example on how this last part works, REDSKINS INSIDER checked in with Washington Redskins running back/raconteur Clinton Portis, who is worried about swine flu affecting his play.
Portis is well known as a player with both a great sense of humor and a great dislike of practice and minicamps. This a great recipe for good soundbites during, say, the minicamp the ‘Skins are holding right now in the rain. Portis has a better idea:
‘With the swine flu going around, this water could have some swine flu in it, then all of us gonna be dead,’ Portis said during a group interview session with reporters on the field as it rained. ‘You should cancel minicamp, especially in bad weather. Right now in Mexico, they canceled all sporting events. They need to do that in the U.S. … This is a scary, dangerous situation.’
I know I shouldn’t laugh, as the swine flu is serious business, but that’s pretty witty. For the record, influenza can be transmitted in water so Portis could be onto something here. Someone better quarantine The Hogs, stat!