Clint Malarchuk Is Immortal And Incredibly Stupid

Do you remember who Clint Malarchuk is? No? Well maybe this picture will help jog your memory.

Clint Malarchuk

(”Oh man, my contact lens came out!”)

Yes, that’s Clint. Oh, what a day that was for the young Buffalo Sabres goaltender. Any goalie can block a 100 MPH slap shot at his face, but only Mr. Malarchuk can block the shot and then take a skate to his throat that cuts his jugular and live to tell about it. What we learned about Clint on that fateful day back in 1989 is that he is very, very lucky man. What we learned about Clint this past Tuesday was that he’s also incredibly sad and stupid.


According to a report in The Record Courier of Nevada, Malarchuk accidentally shot himself in the chin with a .22 caliber rifle on Tuesday.

Malarchuk’s wife reported the shooting. When officers arrived at the family’s residence, the former goaltender was reportedly bleeding profusely from the mouth and chin, and initially refused treatment from paramedics. Malarchuk was transported to a medical facility nearby, where reports indicate he continued to be uncooperative with medical staff. He was later taken by helicopter to Renown Regional Medical Center in Nevada.

On Wednesday, the local sheriff’s department was said to be investigating the incident to determine if indeed the shooting was accidental.

Seriously, this does sound more like a suicide attempt than anything else, so I don’t mean Malarchuk is stupid because he accidentally shot himself in the face. I mean he’s stupid because it’s pretty obvious that he cannot die. He could probably lay down in the road and have five tanks roll over him, then have a firing squad shoot him in the face fifteen times from point blank range and he’d end up with nothing worse than a headache and a cut over his eye.