Clarence Thomas Treats Nebraska Recruits Well

For being a Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas is a bit of a mystery. That’s not to say Ruth Bader Ginsberg is on TV daily or has paparazzi following her or anything, it’s just that… well, he never talks. Maybe it’s a complex, nuanced feeling of payback for that whole Anita Hill pube thing.

Clarence Thomas Invisible Football
(”I have an invisible football. Go long!”)

Or maybe it’s simpler than that, that he only talks to people being recruited by Nebraska football. Ludicrous notion, yes, but hear me out: two prep stars were flying back home after visiting that very school, and just so happened to find themselves seated next to Justice Thomas. As NBC WASHINGTON reports, Thomas, who’s evidently a huge Cornhusker fan, began eagerly chatting with the two young men. What ensued was either a severe NCAA violation or an awesome ending to the story:

By the time the plane landed, the students had figured out who Thomas was, and they promptly told their principal they wanted to invite Thomas to give the keynote speech at their high school graduation. Of course, Principal Carole Working didn’t exactly think Thomas would take them up on it. But he showed up at the high school on Monday.

Sure enough, Thomas gave the commencement. Sure, it helped that their high school in Gaithersburg, Maryland is just a few miles outside of Washington D.C., but hey, if they’d been flying home to Dallas, they wouldn’t have sat next to Thomas, right? Anyway, as the two guys got on stage to receive their diplomas, Thomas embraced both young men (not, like simultaneously; you know what I mean). It was good touching, not bad touching, so we don’t need any more lawsuits or trials or anything. We’re good here.

As for the two students, Terrence Stephens and Jason Ankrah, it gets a bit dicey. Ankrah will, in fact, attend Nebraska, but Stephens has opted to join the notorious scofflaws of Stanford. Outraged, Thomas has been plunged into another decades-long fit of silence. Way to go, Jason.