Before the season:

“Brian Wilson, we’re thrilled to have you back as the closer for the San Francisco Giants this season after your September promotion to the position. We know that there was a bit of roughness back then, but we’re pleased to have you here… mostly because you already knew how to get to the park, but still.

(Don’t Idol Worshippers BURN IN HELL?!)

“We’d like to give you the opportunity to select your entrance music to fire the half-dozen or so fans left at AT&T Park for our few save opportunities this season. Here’s a list approved by the organization. We’ve removed those used by other closers, those associated with failed Presidential campaigns, and any Menudo songs. Best of luck out there!”

Game 1:

“GOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING SAN FRANCISCO! TIME TO ROCK IT FROM THE EMBARCADERO TO HAIGHT-ASHBURY! HOLD ON, I’M COMIN… TO THE SOUNDS OF CHRISTIAN ANTHEM ROCK!”

Brian Wilson wants AT&T Park to rock out with his chosen song, Disciple’s “Rise Up”. We’ve unearthed a clip of the song and have deduced why Giants management has been reluctant to turn this song to 11 when he enters the game to save the day for the Giants:

It sucks. It sucks and blows. It defies all known physics by both sucking and blowing simultaneously. Maybe that’s an appropriate type of song for the 2008 San Francisco Giants, but there’s no need in belaboring the matter.

Surely there’s a Christian rock anthem that doesn’t taunt the natural laws, Brian. Take another shot at it. Failing that, we’ll offer our own suggestion:

Oh, come ON. That would be triple awesome.