Chris Cooley Likes Making Dead Animals Explode

Hey kids, everyone’s favorite Redskin, Chris Cooley, is in the news again again! No, fortunately, he’s not exposing himself, but he would like to do us all a favor and show us how to put the “fun” back in “funeral.” Best of all, all you need is some household items, like… uh… gasoline and explosives.

Chris Cooley and his Dead Animal Friend
(You can guess how this one ended.)

You might recall last month, where Cooley posted a picture of a dead animal (he called it a cow, but that’s quite obviously a horse), then a violent explosion. That was just comic juxtaposition, right? That explosion looked like a bomb went off. Chris, you didn’t really make the dead horse blow up, right?


We did explode that horse. But, we had fun, we expunged of the horse in the proper manner, maybe with a little more fireworks than expected.

Ahem. “A little more fireworks than expected”? Shall we go to the tape, Mr. Cooley? Yes, let’s:

Exploding Dead Animal
(This summer, everything goes boom.)

What basically happened was we poured five (gallons) of gasoline on the horse, we put some fireworks in the horse as well, to enhance the explosion.

Best of all, that’s completely legal; how else are you going to dispose of a half-ton animal and most effectively prevent any sort of disease from spreading? Incineration is encouraged in rural areas (best not try it on grandpa at his rest home, though. Or at the very least wait for him to die first), so nyeah nyeah.

There’s also video of the boomgoing, but as Cooley told fans earlier, he’s not releasing it. Probably for the best, since that’s just overkill. A whole hell of a lot of overkill.

Cooley also commented about Jason Campbell, Twitter, and training camp. Here is the full text of those comments: “blah blah blah.” Okay, that’s all we got out of it, because sorry, but explosions win forever. If you don’t like that, get out of America, you fascist.