Chinese Basketball Fans Will Riot About Anything

Among the many, many things we’ve never really understood about human nature is the temptation to blatantly cheat at insignificant things. Like, we understand the allure of cheating, but there’s got to be some quick risk-reward analysis being done, or it’s just foolish.

Hu Guang burning car

(If it helps - and we really doubt that it would - the fans were fighting over this guy. No, really, that’s not a joke.)

Like, let’s say… the Chinese Short People Basketball League. That’s not the preferred nomenclature - “Dream League,” please - but that’s the basic gist. It’s a league for Chinese people of 6′2″ and under to play ball without getting faced by a bunch of Yao Mings and Wang Zhizhis all day long. You’d think such a setup wouldn’t lend itself to outbreaks of violence. Yes, you’d think that, and you’d be wrong.

REUTERS has the story of one team with the brass balls to enlist a dunk champion and the hilarity that ensued:

A bizarre row over a player’s height caused a Chinese basketball game to be abandoned and sparked violent scenes that left several cars destroyed in Guangdong earlier this week, local media reported Thursday.

[T]rouble was brewing when Huizhou Qiaoxing signed Chinese Basketball Association player and three-times national ’slam dunk’ champion Hu Guang, even though his official CBA profile lists him as 1.95m.

Huizhou’s opponents in a game scheduled for Monday, Shenzhen Kuruite, refused to take to the court unless he was measured but league organisers refused.

Did you follow all that? No?

Anyway, we’re sure we’re just restating the obvious for most of our readers, but for those scant few who aren’t avid Chinese Basketball Association fans, here’s a nice mix tape of Hu Guang’s work:

Okay, we’re up to speed, right? Clearly, that guy’s not 6′2″, and yadda yadda yadda let’s get to the insanity:

Shenzhen forfeited the game but kept up their complaints the following day and the league finally agreed to take the tape to the 27-year-old forward.

“Hu bowed his shoulders and bent his neck back,” Shenzhen player Wang Tiecheng told local newspaper the Daily Sunshine.

“The first result was 186.5cm, the second time was 187cm.”

League officials, who admitted they had “limited ability and technique in measuring,” nevertheless declared Hu eligible for Tuesday’s “monthly final” against Zheshang Bank.

Furious Shenzhen fans disrupted the final by continually chanting: “Unfair, Too tall!” and the game, which was being broadcast live on television, was abandoned at halftime.

Okay. Time to call a Zack Morris timeout here. So a relatively inconsequential basketball game has now been canceled - because one team decided to use a guy who’s over 2.5 inches taller than the rules allow. That kind of cheating can’t even pass the smell test.

And now the fans are angry and we promised you there would be rioting and we are not liars at SbB. Commence violence:

Other spectators, upset that the game had been stopped, then smashed up five cars with Shenzhen number plates outside the Dongguan’s Huangyong Arena, the Guangzhou Daily reported.

Wait… that’s it? Just vehicular vandalism? Nobody got set on fire? Brick Tamland didn’t kill a guy? It’s natural to feel cheated, and we do too. Okay, let’s redo the final paragraph:

Other spectators, upset that the game had been stopped, then smashed up five cars with Shenzhen number plates outside the Dongguan’s Huangyong Arena, the Guangzhou Daily reported… THEN THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED!

You’re welcome.