Let’s add to our official Beijing Media Panic Checklist:

• Torch problems everywhere
• Lack of quality cheerleaders (okay, that’s just on our list)
• Oppressive rules and regulations
• Special care for “special” people
• Pollution
• Earthquakes
• Algae that eats pollution
• And now locusts are massing to invade Beijing in time for the Opening Ceremonies.

Really? Locusts? Good thing there will be evangelicals on-site to help with the impending frog invasion.

Here’s our best advice to Beijing organizers: official 2008 Summer Olympics blinders for every foreign journalist. These are often worn best with beer goggles.